Blah

I hate complaining, but I need to bitch.

Work has been a total *BEEEEEEP* this week.
Flat out and run off my feet. NO idea where this week went.
Why is this happening, tomorrow will be MAY.
We will be in month 5 of the year, I turned 22 almost three months ago.
Its going to be 2 years since my dad's cancer diagnosis, tracking towards 3 years since mum died. My whole life is flashing before my eyes.

I'm still a tad angry lately, my outbursts are smaller.. But I definatly am still feeling some hostility towards people.. but its not undeserved hositlity..
In other words, im not being a *bEEEPPPPP* to anyone who hasn't been treating me like crap, or doing something that is considered stupid by many.

I am exhausted, and I know it might be work.
But I also know, its the lexapro.
Atleast one night a week, I need to be asleep before 9.
The annoying part is, im having a few freaky bad dreams which are waking me up between 2-4 am.. and I go back to sleep after I tinkle or whatever.
But those next few hours of sleep don't mean anything.
They don't count.


Right now, i'm laying in bed and I want so badly to get up and have a shower.
But I don't have the energy, I feel like I'd end up curled over and asleep in a ball.
I can focus during the day because I drink large amounts of coffee.. but thats it.

Ah.. I hate bitching....
Especially when I have nothing that is worth bitching about.
I feel guilty writting about my shity, insignificant life when there are others, people who I subscribe to, people reading this blog who have things so much worse than I do.
And I am thinking of everyone else, I am.
But I'm just annoyed that I can't be NORMAL.
I can't just be happy, and have energry.
I have to be medicated but exhausted to function.