Struggle City

Right now I am struggling.

Struggling with my depression

Struggling with my motivation

Struggling with my job

Struggling with my weight

I am almost back at my heaviest weight EVER. I have no one to blame but myself. Constantly saying YES YES YES to fatty food, alcohol, combined with no exercise has got me to where I am.

Im not that worried about my health because I know I'm okay, but I am FAT. My belly is HUGE. It wont be long before I end up with new stretch marks because my skin cant cope with how huge I am.

I want to move.
I want to be in Sydney.
I want to ditch the junk food.
Get a Hobby.
Have a job that I actually LOVE.
I want to have more sex.
I want cuddles.
I want to make new friends.

I am just struggling.
I don't know how else to put it.

The weekend is coming up and as usual i'll watch tv and eat.
I wont actually DO anything constructive.

I don't really even like TAFE anymore because its whats holding me back from Moving.

I'm ready.
I'm scared but I'm ready.

I need to get my fat ass back out there.
I need to start walking.
I need to stop with the junk food and binge eating.

No one needs as much cheese as I can eat in a sitting.

I'm ashamed..
And I'm upset...

But Im just not ready to do anything about it.
Its so stupid that I know how to fix my problems but I just cant.