Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I'm listening to a happy song

Happy song, but im not happy im just not happy.
Someone make me happy,
oh thats right something, or someone, CANT make me happy.
But I'm yet to learn that, because I am young and I am stupid
And because I stopped going to therapy.
God dammit I miss my shrink literally IF and thats a BIG IF I could afford to see her once a week every week for the rest of my life (Or hers) I would.
Because then atleast I could make sense of everything in my head.

HOW can you just go missing..
How can you MAKE a POINT to call me for no reason..
TWO days in a row... and then finish talking to me.. and then I call you to say something stupid and then you call me back and talk for an HOUR
and then you just disapear.. and your happy.

But you miss me?
You miss me???
You miss me like apparently, I was just there.. and now I am gone.
Well..
NO
I wasn't just there
and NO
you haven't seen me for a year
AND NO
I don't believe you dont have a girlfriend because that would make me the god damn stupidest human being in the world.

Okay I took a breather..
gave the dog a cuddle and I feel better.

I'm just really angry.
That things are..
So complicated.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

you

sometimes I feel like I just couldnt love you anymore.
I know that its wrong.
I know that i could be wrong.
That I could get hurt.
But when I hear your laugh.
My heart melts.
And when you get tongue tied and somehow manage to come out with
" I miss you so much, I feel like we have been sharing a house for 5 years and I turn around and your just gone"

fucking shoot me now.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Random things about me

okay i'll start off with the not so weird things.

1. I cannot iron for the life of me, now this seems like a fairly basic life skill but i've managed to not learn the skill at all. Oh except hankies, I can iron hankies.
When we had the specialist launch, we all had to wear those matching blue shirts with the logo's (very silly) but anyway I had two custom made for me considering im a fatty, with huge boobs. Anyway I called my dad 4 times to make sure he was coming home so that he could iron my shirt, then corrected him and made him do it again. (seriously im not normally such a ball breaker)

2. I am really clumsy, weither it be walking into walls, tripping over, pouring drinks and or food all over me. Even if im being the most careful I can be, I will normally still mess myself. I always seem to misjudge distances and run into walls which often leaves me covered in bruises because I bruise really easily.

3. I love driving. Might seem like something so simple, but driving and having a car is something that I hold very near to me. It's an independance thing mostly. I like being able to pick up and go where I want, when I want, to see who I want. Without having to rely on anyone, or explain myself. When petrol was really expensive, I'd use atleast half of every tank just driving around. Not very effectient, smart, or very friendly to the planet. But its just something that I love doing.

4. I am not the best communicator, I find it hard to say what I'm really feeling. Especially when im, hurt, angry or upset. I've had to block off this part of me. It was previously fully functioning but after being hurt and also hurting others. Its got me to really shut myself down to where if its someone I care about,I will keep it in. Unfortunatly im a bitch, and I hit people where it hurts. Got a recently healed wound or soft spot? Hurt me and i'll wrip it open.
HUGE CHARACTER FLAW. Something i'm working on.

5. I love star gazing, I could do it for hours and hours.

6.Much like a third nipple, or a third small toe (my friend actually has one of those) I have something a lil different. Now tihs can't be put nicely so i'm just gonna say it.
"my name is caragh and I have an unusally high ass crack." SO high is my butt crack, is that IF I wear pants sitting genuinly on my hips. And my top creeps up, there is my butt crack.
I honestly think I should be on some kind of pension for this disability.
It's not mal formed, or weird, its just high? I dont understand. Surely if there was something wrong it would be major. But nope. Just a normal crack that doesnt end where it should.

This is seriously all i can think of for now.