I'm Alive

Barely..
Nah just joking.
Wow I haven't posted all week, at least I don't think I have.
Any tomorrow is FRIDAY so that's almost a week so whats been happening you ask?

Well

1- Dad

His stupid bitch ex keeps calling him and wanting to be friends, I told him they need time apart before he should even consider being her friend. He disagrees as only a man would (no offense) and is going over to see her and her family to "say goodbye" tomorrow night. I have been very supportive, making him dinner, talking to him when he needs it and offering practical advice.
However, he's older than me so its assumed he knows better and he may be right. I have told him that I will never been in the same room with that bitch, and I wont support any kind of relationship he has with her. He understands and respects this.

Being heartbroken and completely smitten has caused him too jump right back on the bandwagon. Although they were in the process of breaking up, my dad has been on a few "friendly dates" basically its him meeting new people because he only ever met "the evil bitch" and then was with her for almost 18 months.
He is sticking close to home and has been on two dates with one nice woman who also rides motor bikes, 1 date with a crazy chick with 5 sons who are all of age and live and home, and is going on a date with a woman who used to live in the same street as us at the same time at a previous address mind you. Weird.

Mentally.. he's doing okay.. He is spending A LOT of time online doing the internet dating thing, I've been there and done that so I can respect what he's doing and hey if it helps him. That's awesome.


2- ME

Well I've been okay I guess.. Pretty steady week with lots of work going on.
Between AF having a visit, me getting hemorrhoids, and doing something terrible to my neck that required far to many pain killers.

On Tuesday I went to the doctors and got a re-fill for my crazy pills for the next 6 months, I also got the quit smoking drug and started it yesterday.. My official quit day is next thursday, hopefully this time next week I will have one day smoke free.
Two days in, no side effects besides some tingling in the mouth which is odd, and a bit of nausea that is thankfully much easier to stomach than the lexapro side effects.

I didn't ask the doctor about the butt problem because AF was visiting and I thought it rude, I got some stuff and I am having no pain or itching so its all good and hopefully next time I go to the doctors if I am still in the same situation I will get her advice. Oh and I like my new doctor, she seems very sweet and not patronizing or anything which I appreciate. My other doctor is on maternity leave.

Work has been busy and pretty full on. I go hell for leather but don't seem to get much done. I think I am being too much of a perfectionist.

Plans for the weekend, I may get started on the painting of the back room that I didn't start a few months bak.
Tomorrow I might go to my brothers house and watch the football finals with them so I am not all by my lonesome when dad is out.

I need to make plans to catch up with some of my girlfriends.
Missing them lots.

I still read everyone's journal, I just don't comment as much coz I suck.
But just checking in and sending everyone some love
:)

xoxo

LET THEM GO

Someone has hold of my invisable testicles.
Okay.. not actually testicles.
But I am being pulled in every which way today.
I've been at work for 6 hours, and I have a to do list a mile long.
I was actually looking forward to relaxing back into work.. thinking people would give me a bit of space coz ya know I'VE BEEN ON FAMIL LEAVE YA KNOW.
But no.
Everyone wants everything done, and yesterday.
"I've got this important meeting"
"I need this as soon as possible"
"Could you just do this for me quickly"

Seriously people.
Lay off.
Busting my gut will NOT get anything done for you quicker.
Despite being a very helpful person, I have my own list of prorities.
I'm not going to set aside every hour of my day catering to YOUR every need.
Sure I want to help, but killing me with requests isn't going to get that done quicker.
Its just going to overwhelm and frustrate me completly.

So really, how is everyone doing?
How's has everyone week been so far?


End Rant

TGIF!!!!!!

I can't believe its friday night.
Seriously, it blows my mind how quickly this week has gone.
I really want to do my friday fragments post, but I honestly can't be bothered even putting the link up.
I know.. Slack.

I was fine after my ultrasound yesterday.
Dinner with my work mates was okay, but the food for some people was terrible.
Lucky I didn't get a wood fired pizza too because it would have been burnt to shit like theirs.
Work went so quickly this morning. Before I knew it, it was 5pm and I was outta there.
We had a 3 hour + meeting.
It was terrible, after that long sitting down I wanted to jump out the window.
And it was so BORING and frustrating.
One of my managers talks SO much, he asks so many questions and never lets the subject change quickly.

But with that being said, it killed a lot of time.
Too bad, I had a alot of work to do.

I'm wrecked because I was having night mares last night.
Mr Mans now ex girlfriend (YES she finally came to her senses and moved out)
I didn't believe him when he told me, but he was talking to my friend when one of the removalist trucks pulled up. So she really left him. GOOD ON HER.
Anyway, in the dream I basically went to sydney where they live and told her everything.She seemed SO happy I told her the truth.. coz she knew something was up.
Then she left, came back and shot me in the head.
Yeh I was watching Law & Order and thats how someone died on the show last night.
So that kept me up for a while.. and when your having intense dreams like that.
Your not in a deep sleep, which totally sucks.

I am 99.9999 percent sure i've had an allergic reaction to lexpro.
I am rashy, and itchy all over and I have scratched myself too peices I'm gonna end up with more scars than I already have.
I need to decide what to do about that.


I had to re format my computer for the 4th time today.
I am such an idiot, I must just keep downloading virus's.
So now I have some nice protection which will hopefully prevent this from happening again.

I don't have any plans for the weekend, I really need to clean.
Possibly do a little shopping with what money I have left over for the month coz I get paid next week. YAY.

Its tax time and I'm due for an ok refund.. not huge but no one would turn down 1000 dollars would they? Nope well I sure as hell wont.

I also got a job title change at work because of all the extra stuff I'd been doing.
Yes its just a tittle change but it secretly made me a little happy and I was thankful for being reconized for all the extra things I do.


B is coming down next week for a sales conference
I AM SO EXCITED!!!! I haven't seen him since last October.
We were friendly then, but not as close as we are now so it will great to see him.
We have dinner on the monday night at a nice restuarant and I told him his testicles would be removed if he didn't sit next to me.
He is happily married, and people TALK. But I don't care, its nothing we haven't heard before.
Why is it a male and a female can't be friends if one or both is an a happy and healthy relationship. I'll NEVER know.
I was meaning to ask him this week about doing something on sunday night, but he had already made plans and was meeting some of the other guys at the airport.
It would be hard to sneak past them.

Considering that I am falling asleep.. I did a good job with this post.
But I should spell check so I don't look slow.

Lots of love to everyone.

1.5 Days

Thats how long its been since i've done any REAL work.
My boss is back from overseas and i'm finding it HARD very HARD to find things that I actually WANT to do.
There are all sorts of scattered random things I COULD be doing with this work day.. But I'm just choosing not to.
This is the first time in a long time, im enjoying not doing much at all.
On one hand, I feel so completely slack but on the other hand it feels great.
After 3 and a half years of working flat out.
I am finally able to go at my own pace.
I can spend 2 hours playing around with awesome looking txt's in photshop.
Without feeling a WHOLE heap of guilt.
Believe me its still there.

I am expecting my recovery disks tonight.
I hope they just got delivered into my mail box.
Seriously and not to the post office.
I have missed my lap top terribly. Not being able to read and reply to comments as much as I'd like.
I am sad that my comptuer will have to be reformated.
I will loose 3 years of journal entries. But I need to move on from the past I guess.
It doesn't do many any great deal of happiness reading through some of my darkest hours.
Still it was nice to have it here.

I have a full 4 weeks of paid leave in the bank.
It feels nice to have it, with still 10 days owed for the rest of this year.
I am wondering if I will plan some kinda holiday anytime soon.
Nothing to great.. I don't have the cash for that.. YET.

Well photoshop is calling.

Hopefully the guys will have finished the cost roll ups from our china factory so I'll be able to get cracking on some work this arvo.
We'll see. I hate that my job so much depends on the work of others.
Drives me bonkers.

xxxx

Hope everyone had a great weekend.

I'm going to pay for this later

I've been awake since 5:30am.. not suprising since I'm pretty sure I was out of it by 9:30pm last night.. Nanna much..
I'm not the early to bed, early to rise type.
I'm the early to bed, and then again LATE to rise type.
Because I'm a sleepaholic.
I had this really crazy dream that I just randomly hacked off all my hair and got a pixie cut.
I COULD SO NOT PULL OF A PIXIE CUT>>>>
I don't have the cheek bones for it, well I do they are just hidden behind lots of chub.
Loves it.

I've got lots to do today, but its not really anything that I WANT to do..
Needless to say it must be done, and its my job to do it...
Ahhh my job.

My brothers girlfriend whos a teacher had a hard day yesterday..
Shes just a graduate and she got into a stouch with the vice principal.
Not the smartest move.
Her words, also weren't used very well.... thus for he was able to use them againts her. Also, not the smartest move.

I admire all teachers, infact I wanted.. or want to be one.
I am aware that its a very tough job.
I'm sad that this happened only a few months into her teaching career, but it was going to happen.
Bullying is rife in the workplace, I delt with it for YEARS.
I could be bitter, and snyical and belive me at times I totally was.
But I live by the saying
"It's not what happens in your life that defines you, its how you deal with it that defines you"

I won't ever let anyone get in the way of me doing my job again.
With that said..
Better get cracking

Blah

I hate complaining, but I need to bitch.

Work has been a total *BEEEEEEP* this week.
Flat out and run off my feet. NO idea where this week went.
Why is this happening, tomorrow will be MAY.
We will be in month 5 of the year, I turned 22 almost three months ago.
Its going to be 2 years since my dad's cancer diagnosis, tracking towards 3 years since mum died. My whole life is flashing before my eyes.

I'm still a tad angry lately, my outbursts are smaller.. But I definatly am still feeling some hostility towards people.. but its not undeserved hositlity..
In other words, im not being a *bEEEPPPPP* to anyone who hasn't been treating me like crap, or doing something that is considered stupid by many.

I am exhausted, and I know it might be work.
But I also know, its the lexapro.
Atleast one night a week, I need to be asleep before 9.
The annoying part is, im having a few freaky bad dreams which are waking me up between 2-4 am.. and I go back to sleep after I tinkle or whatever.
But those next few hours of sleep don't mean anything.
They don't count.


Right now, i'm laying in bed and I want so badly to get up and have a shower.
But I don't have the energy, I feel like I'd end up curled over and asleep in a ball.
I can focus during the day because I drink large amounts of coffee.. but thats it.

Ah.. I hate bitching....
Especially when I have nothing that is worth bitching about.
I feel guilty writting about my shity, insignificant life when there are others, people who I subscribe to, people reading this blog who have things so much worse than I do.
And I am thinking of everyone else, I am.
But I'm just annoyed that I can't be NORMAL.
I can't just be happy, and have energry.
I have to be medicated but exhausted to function.

My strange taste in Music...

I've always had a strange taste in Music.
I like songs that date back as early as the 40's/50's Yes I know that sounds weird.
One of my FAVOURITE songs is
"The birds and the bee's"

Let me tell you 'bout the birds and the bees
and the flowers and the trees,
the moon up above, and the thing
called love.

I remember hearing this song about 8 or 9 years ago and I knew the lyrics and it was driving me nuts because I literally could NOT remember hearing it.. or knowing the song.
I asked my mum and she laughed & then smiled.
"I used to play that song all the time, when you were about 1 you would pull yourself up in your cot and shake your little butt along to the beat"

Recently I've also been LOVING

The Cure- Pictures of you

I've been looking so long at these pictures of you
That I almost believe that they're real
I've been living so long with my pictures of you
That I almost believe that the pictures are
All I can feel


The song obviously touches a nerve in me.. and would in many.
But its a beautiful song.


And last but sadly least :( Cos this is LAME.
I heard this song on the way home.

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

Yes thats Miley Cyrus, and yes I'm kind of ashmed.
But she has some good people writting songs for her, god damn if it wasn't for the lyrics i'd hate the song.


Today didn't turn out so badly after all.
I got alot of things done..
I was stressing about this promotion I had put togerther, about it being rejected by my boss after I had put so much energy into the concept and putting the work togerther.
I was scared he would just say.. "No"
He's a bit like that, hard to pick. He either loves something or he hates it.

But he loved it, and he was really impressed with my effort and also the effort of "that man"
So yeh, we make a good team.

After work I got my fortnightly eye brow wax.
I love the place I go to, the girls are SO nice and they actually take the time and are very carefull not to take to much or do what you don't want.
Its a little more expensive than most places, but SO worth it.
I also got a spur of the moment eye lash tint..
I don't like mascara.. I always pick it off.
And because I'm now using mineral makeup, it means there is just less stuff to do in the morning.

After THAT.. i know my day sounds long huh.
I took myself out to dinner.
It took them a minute to work out that
NO THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE COMING TO ORDER ON MY TABLE.
OMG I WAS A SINGLE GENERATION Y FEMALE HAVING DINNER BY HERSELF!
Then I happened to put 5 dollars into a poker machine (slot machine)
And I won $150
All in all a good day.


I haven't seen my dad in a week or more.. I miss him.
His girlfriend is going through some stuff, so he's trying to be there for her as much as he can.
He also got tickets to the football for us, and said we will go out for lunch on Sunday.
I haven't been to a game with him in months, so that would be great.

I have a very cute Fur baby molly, who is just about to go on heat.
So she's very clingy at the moment so we are cuddling.
I'm giving her some space from my other dog Max, who is after her at the moment.
Poor little hormonal thing.

Well anyone who read this deserves a medal.
I'm going to read/comment on some blogs.
Have a shower.
Do some washing.
& then go to bed.


Hope everyone is having a good start to the week

When did life become so exhausting

BLAHhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I fail to see how sitting on my big fat ass infront of a computer all day can exhaust me so much.
Get up,take meds shower,do make up, get dressed, brush teeth and hair. Find shoes, pack lunch, get in the car, stop for a coffee, have a ciagrette, get annoyed at the traffic, get to work, start working, get distracted, back on track, get hungry, have a coffee, another cigarette, some more distriaction, have something to eat, start working..
And the list goes on and on.
HOW BORING>>> I swear 95% of those things, were done sitting down and yet im laying here in bed at 7:18PM and I could fall asleep.
But I can't, coz i'll wake up early.
And I can't coz I really want to watch this show.


I cant even faithom having to do anymore than I already do.
AND I DONT DO MUCH.

Although I did make dinner tonight, but it only took me an hour.
I generally had a really happy and good day today though.
I talked to "him" and things are just normal again.
NORMAL FFS.
Its a god damn miracle that this thick head actually got it,that I just wanted him to now treat me like one of the guys. He's calling me "man" which only a few months ago would have ANNOYED ME. But now hearing it makes me happy.
what didn't make me happy was him discussing the woman who is one of our customers, whom im almost 99.9999 % sure he had an affair with but hey i'll live.. it stabbed at me a little though but I moved on quickly


I know the tiredness is probbably a symptom of the meds,because normally on monday nights I can go and go and go.. but nope not anymore.
Anyway i'll post something more constructive when I stop being a complaining little bitch.


Caragh

When it rains, it POURS

At the moment its pouring work.
Don't you hate those work related emails that STIR UP TROUBLE.
They basically suggest that someone, or infact groups of people just.. aren't doing enough in times of economic uncertainty.

At first it was suggested that WE as a department weren't doing enough.
So we put forward out efforts and it was clear that the sales force.... weren't doing enough.

So at the moment we have been inundated with request for all sorts of jazz.
Most of its required NOW NOW NOW.
Which is fine, if you have NOTHING else to do.

I love being busy and I love doing my job well.
But sometimes it seems like these requests are unreasonable.
But I'm not the type of person to turn around and tell someone to get stuffed (this means piss of in aussie )
I like to be helpful, but a few friendships are being stretched the moment.
I'm mostly working through my lunch break and my eyes are going fuzzy by the end of the day.

On top of all the outside requests, we as a team have a huge amount of work to get through.
Something that if we focus most of our attention on will still take us a few weeks.
Its a real catch 22, do our job and help out everyone.
Or just do our job and tell everyone that they can wait.

I wish it was THAT simple.
But its not :(

She works hard for the money

So hard for it hunny.
I'm at WORK.
I shouldnt be updating my blog, but I haven't really done much of anything recently.
Sales have tanked, which means...
I have little to do.
I'm trying to plug away in photoshop.. But its hard really.

I've put togerther sales reports.
And updated whatever it is I CAN.
But at the moment there just isn't a whole lot to do.

I got my BONUS yesterday.
Everyone was really disapointed... So here I was.. Thinking its going to be a 2 figure, or even three figure sum.

No...
I got a 4 figure bonus... I wasn't disapointed... Not in the slightest.
It will help me out in leaps and bounds.
I guess it shows how ungreatful my workmates are, and how they come to expect more.
Sure it would have been nice if the 4th quarter last year was as good as the other three. The bonus would have been double. But who cares.
You get, what you're given and you shouldnt be ungreatful.

Anyway..
Since my conversation with my dad he hasn't come home.
I think he's too GUTLESS to come home and face me after all the things he said.
God it makes me angry just thinking about it.
I was so upset after that conversation that I creid so much and hyperventailated.
But I'm over it now.

My brother and fiance' just brought a house "pending finance"
And they say I can definatly stay with them for a few months.
I am happy with that.

Anyway.. I could go on ad on..
But I'll stop talking and start working (attempting to work)

Hope everyones having a good day.

Oh and Congrats to JB and H(work colleuge) on the birth of there Son
Jordan Connor, born at 6:10am this morning weight 3.4kgs.
I know it probably doesn't make much sense to use the Intials and then state the babies name..
But I'm not really scared about people finding my blog.. Because I've googled myself 10 times over.
and it doesn't come up :)

Technology Bites

Technology and I have usally always got along.
I've been using the internet since I was 8 (mid 90's), I know phones, and fax's, scanners, photocopiers. You name it,i've used it.. and normally without trouble.
I work in marketing(in house marketing) So I work for a company and we do all the stuff for our sales team and reps out on the road. Its a great job and I love it most of the time.
I've had a few things on the go, some promotional stuff and peices i've put togerther.
I was asked to simply PRINT some of this stuff in bulk and send it to our customer.
Sounds easy right?
WRONG

1- Glossy Paper into the printer, click print.
OH CRAP its double sided and staining.. STOP
2- Paper jam- ahhhhh crap, ink all over my hands because its not yet sealed STOP
3- Re load paper, walk away... 5 minutes later BEEEP BEEP BEEP paper jammed, ink now all over the hands, and inside the print.. OH CRAP printer is hot burnt finger.
4-Re load paper walk away..... come back oh CRAP out of ink.. take out giant ink cartridge which weighs a tonne.. place it on table.
5- Ink cartridge FALLS off table which is about a metre high, directly onto my ankle.. ouch thats gonna hurt.. and it does it bruises...

6- By now.. we are about 3 hours into our printing episode because between all the back and forth.. I havent accomplised really much of anything besides wasting ALOT of paper (cue guilt) and also killing alot of ink(Ink is money people times like this)
7- Several more hours later I finally managed to accomplish half of what I set out to do..
In between abusing the printer to anyone who would listen.. and not getting any help from my boss(who happens to be a fool)

I started today on a more POSITIVE note, I thought i'd give the printer another try.... he was being a bit more friendly today.. really helping me out.
And then.. the photocopier steped up to the plate.. he wouldnt let me do a double sided, sorted, stapled with colour front cover... nope.. several more trees's and a bit of $$$ in ink later.
I quit....

Cue stomach bug which leads me to do alot of thinking while im sitting on the toilet sorry if thats TMI.. But i'm starting to THINK
that the printer.. and the photocopier realised that I needed them... much much more than they needed me.. and thus for decided to become difficult.. and withdraw from me.. leaving me perplexed..

wait I think I'm relating my current technology drama.. with my man drama....
yup I think I am.

In anycase I have sworn off both the Printer and the Photocopier until further notice.. because they BOTH need to get there shit togerther.. I don't wanna get hurt again so I'm just not gonna play their games.
They may hold the cards thinking that I need them, but bitch I can switch you off anytime I want.