Dear Cigarettes

HA
I did it, one week and I only cheated
ONCE.
ONCE.
ONCE.

And I got no satisfaction from it at all.
Oh the joy, the joy of knowing I am stronger than this addiction!
boo at you for holding onto my health and my money for so long.


In other news..
I didn't work today, or I did work but I didn't work hard.
It was one of those days where I was SICK of working hard.
SICK of achieving things and then not getting any credit for it.
So I didn't do much, it was kinda like.. a mini holiday.


I am on a health kick, yes I know its overdue and If I'd shut my mouth and stuck too it last time, I wouldn't be this big to begin with but oh well.

Let me start by saying..
I walked 1 hour yesterday to the shops and back I haven't done this in YEARS.
I made my lunch today.
I made my dinner today.
I tracked my calorie intake today (just over 1500)
I walked for 30 minutes today.
I organized to rent a tread mill.
And I've had more than 3 lt of water today! I think this is also a first.

So positive, positive changes, positive attitude, positive goals.

GO GO GO

Hello Day Four

I hope you are better than day 3.
Because he was an asshole.
I sincerly doubt it though.
My teary-ness has started to kick in.
I really didn't believe that the champix could affect me this badly.
But it is.
I am exhausted all the time.
I am moody.
I am teary.
I am sad.
I am un motivated.

I am unfortunatly slipping back into a depression.

Because I am a realist, I am very surprised that I was not ready for this.
I read the warnings, checked the formus, the news articles.
But I didn't think that it would hit me like this.
NOT AT ALL.

I am determined to stick with it?
Why?

Because its short term.
If I can stay on the medication for the next 9 and a half weeks, I know my chances of kicking the smoking habit are so much stronger.
I've been able to talk myself out of asking someone for a smoke, buying a packet, or picking a butt off the street.. just kidding with that one.

I know that smoking will not make me feel better, its the joy from a cigarette that I am missing. The medication is taking that.
I am still shocked its taken ALL my joy though.


For now, I will do what I can.

Breath and reeboot.
Listen to happy songs.
Sleep when I feel like I need it.
Not beat myself up about something I can't control.