Sunday, September 13, 2009


What Would Mum Do?

I few months ago I stumbled onto a blog of a women in her mid 20's.
Her mother had recently had cancer, but got the all clear.
Within days of following her mothers blog, I read that her mother had again been diagnosed with cancer but it had spread and she was terminal.
With-in a few short months her mother died.
Reading her blog tonight, I felt my heart ache for her... for me and for every other child out there who is without a parent.
A parent knows what to do.
Or how to act.
Or that's what we think, we think they are invincible.

Tonight I sit her with a broken heart of a different kind, It's broken for my dad.
My poor drunk sorry Dad who at the moment doesn't give a shit about anything but getting revenge on his ex. My dad who is depressed, suicidal and actually slightly insane.
I hate when he throws out the comment "I'll be sure to update my insurance policies this week"
He has always said he would do this so I was the sole beneficiary of any money he is. I know its stupid and scary.
Part of me feels like he's joking, part of me feels like his serious.
The other part of me is just wondering.

What would mum do?

Would she slap him in the face and tell him to get over it?
Hug it out?

I just don't know..
I don't know what to do.
I know I am going to find myself worried as all hell all week.

I wish I could hit the fast forward button, so I could take him through this grieving process. So he wouldn't be so hurt or so angry.
But I know that I can't.

But its so fucking hard to be there for someone.
When it seems like they just don't care anymore.


Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Just foudn your blog and cannot beleive all that has happened in your life...Your blog name is wonderful...Had a couple of hours to blog hop this afternoon...Hope you will stop by my Christmas blog...