Numb

I hate that I am so numb right now
I hate that my stupid football team lost the grand final
I hate that I got up at 6am to watch them lose a grand final
I hate seeing my dad upset
I hate that he is lying to us
I hate that he is lying to himself
I hate that he is giving her another chance
I hate that she will hurt him again
I hate that in order to be a good daughter I just need to shut my mouth and let him live his own life
I hate that everyone who is so important to me lives so far away
I hate that I just need a hug but can't remember when I last had one
I hate everything right now.

EXCEPT
That tomorrow I will not smoke a cigarette.
That tomorrow if I get through one full day without puffing on a cancer stick, I will believe in myself enough not to ever pick up one agin.;