Happy Fathers Day

Dear Dad,

I can't believe this is your 27th fathers day.

Sometimes I find it hard to know what to say to you, you were just a kid when your first child was born, only 23 years old.. basically the same age as me.

I can't imagine being a parent at my age.. but you stepped up to the plate and provided for your family financially but more so emotionally.
You even let mum pop out two more kids before you were 30!

You always protected us, loved us and provided for us.
We have had many happy memories.
You fought for us, when you had nothing left to give.
You didn't want to leave us.

For everything you have gone through to still be here with us today.
I say thank you.
Thank you for learning and growing with us. It can't have been easy having not had a father after the age of 8.
But you did it.
You raised a family, you taught as well.
Although you may not always think of it, we are more than capable of standing on our own two feet and that's because of the guidance you gave us.

Through the good times, and the bad.
I love you and I hope so share many many more fathers day's with you.

Your daughter,

Obes.



Caragh, Dad, Matthew.. Circa 1987.

Secrets and lies part 1

Growing up my mother was always very cautious about the information she shared about her up bringing. I know that she did not have an easy or pleasant child hood.
When I was about 17 I began to ask more and more questions about my mothers family.

When my grandmother was 17 she fell in love.. great yes?
Nope. She fell in love with a man who she didn't know was married.
Soon enough she was pregnant. 60+ Years ago the technologly wasn't what it is now there was no POAS or beta's to let her know she was expecting.
Being young and nieve she continued living her life, loving this man.
Eventually when she admited to herself she was pregnant this nice loving man turned on her saying that he wanted nothing to do with her. Naturally she was devestated.
When she was almost 8 months along she went into premature labour. Taken to place that specialized in the "unwed" mothers department. Here is where it gets fuzzy, as her labour progressed she was given medication that rendered her almost unable to function.She was able to give birth, to twins.
Immediatly following the birth she was given more medication that rendered her unconcious.

When she awoke and asked for HER children.
She was told that they were both still born and had died.

As my mother sat there and told me this story my jaw dropped to the floor.
"But that's what they would say when they were going to give children up for adoption without the parents consent"

This happened quite often in Australia in the 30's + 40's right up until the 60's.
Women told there babies had died in order to place them for adoption.
Young single mothers who had been taken advantage of.

My grandmother never saw those children.
Haunted by the painful memories of a love that had been so cruel.
She never tried to find out if they were really alive.
I understand that it would have been painful, and confusing to a young women.

Before my mother died we contemplated trying to track down the records of the children's birth. Being that it was almost 70 years ago it would have been understanably hard.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder.
Do I really have more aunty's or uncles out there?
Are they still alive? Did they have a good life?

Sadly I think these questions will always remain unanswered.

Sharing some memories

So I thought i'd share a few memories with everyone who is reading this(oh lets be honest.. no ones reading this)



1987:
Its a girl.. after a short labour.. which mum was told would take hours here I was..
The third child and only daughter to Ron & Alana




Me, my dad and my big brother.





Bath time..







Me and my nanna.
She passed away in 1997..
loved her very very much



Nap time..


I was always a very well behaved child..





I always liked cuddles though..


I was always quite the artist




me and mum on my third birthday.
Notice the heaps cool princess cake she made me..
it was the best!!!






We were the coolest kids on the block

So there you have it.. if your still reading this....
Well done, google totally kicked my butt while i was trying to post this.
I first tried to link in from photobucket.
HUGE failure..
Then google blocked my IP.. I know right like im some hacker..
So i'm using a proxy to get around that.

anyway.. i hope everyone is having a great weekend.
Oh and look what happened to me this morning!!!




I'm glad I was half asleep otherwise I would have been more angry.

Oh crap I think google is after me because everything has suddenly slowed..
THERE ON TO ME!!!!

If anyone has any questions, feel free to leave a comment and i'll answer :)

A small message

There are SO many wonderful women/men/familes on my blog role..
that i'll admit that SOMETIMES.. its hard for me to keep up..
For all of you that are..
Starting a cycle..
In the middle of a cycle...
Into your TWW
Experiencing devestation or loss...
For all of you that have just had your babies..
Or just got your positives....
Or just seeing where the next chapter of your journey will be...
Or even just beginning your journey's into starting your family...
Goodluck goodluck goodluck

My thoughts are so with you.

I once had a dream

A wonderful dream where I would wake up and EVERYTHING in this world was as it should be.
I would wake up, and my mum would be her imperfect self.. standing by the sink doing the dishes, in the laundry smoking a cigarette while doing a load of washing.

My dad would be at the table, or in the toilet reading the paper.. or on the computer looking at the horse racing schedule for the day.

My brothers would faithfully be on the computer one playing vidoe games and annoyingly speaking so loudly into a microphone to someone on the other side of the world, and one chatting to his friends the ones that understood him better than anyone else.

And I would be me...
I would feel safe and secure, happy with my imperfect life. I would relish the fights I had with the people I loved. I would trade every little thing I own in this world(which isnt alot, but its enough) To wake one morning and find my house full of the people I love. The people that saw me through the first 19 years of my life.. not always the best years, not always the best times. But through the mistakes they did each in their own way love me unconditionally.

I'd give anything to have back that happiness, that I at times mistaked for misery.