Life is like a box of chocolates

You never really know what your gonna get.

I find this to be very true.
So Saturday night, I picked up my friend and we headed into the city for my friend Sarah's hen's night.
Sarah used to be a bit of a crazy character, but 2 years ago she met a boy, fell in love... got engaged.. became pregnant.. had her son and is now in 4 weeks getting married.
Nothing will make you feel like time is passing two quickly, when someone you've known since you were 13 is making plans to walk down the isle.
Sarah is young, no doubt about it. But she has a strong character, and a supportive family. A loving partner, and a beautiful son.

The night was meant to be a little boring.. unlike how sarah used to be.
The night was planned by her soon to be sister in law... we met at a very nice bar and restaurant.. We had a few drinks and settled down to a seafood buffet.
Yum. Much better than I expected.

I wasn't drinking, but afterward we headed into the casino.. Sure take the girl with the gambling problem to a casino.
The girls went into a "club/bar"
For the most place, this place was filled with white trash.. I'm sorry to be so harsh but half naked drunk chicks, is not my idea of a great Saturday night.
So I went off to play a few rounds of black jack. I was down to my last 10 dollars, but then somehow managed to turn that into 200+ so I cut my losses(woo hoo) And went in to have a dance with the girls.
My friends are amazed with how stupid I can still act despite only having had one drink. But I think my robot impersonation was awesome.
At about 12 we decided to head home.
I dropped my friend off at home, not before we spent the whole trip talking about just how in love with her partner she is.
I'm so glad she has found happiness, and despite what people may think about the huge 24 year age gap.. they seem to fit so well together. They make each other happy.

Today I woke up full of beans, ready to start painting the spare room. I filled some of the holes, sanded them back. Re filled them coz I sanded too much.
In the end, I got extremely impatient, and pulled out some undercoating for all the dark trip. I did a craptastic job. I planned to take a little nap... but it turned into a long nap ha. So tomorrow I will start on the roof & walls.
My dad suspected it would take me longer than two days.. I'm just not at all graceful with a paintbrush.

All in all, I had a great night out with the girls which was a surprise.
And although I am a little disappointed with my efforts on the spare room.
I know I can get much accomplished tomorrow.
Well I better run, a few of my favorite shows are just about to start.

I hope everyone has had a great weekend!!
XX

I'll have what he's having

So that 'friend' of mine.. ya know that giant pain in the arse that I accidentally fell for
He's got pneumonia just like my other good friend did.
I tell them all the time they really need to stop making out so much, viral pneumonia is bad!
Last week when I was OH so down, I sent him a few emails.. yeh I know.. My bad... And he's ignored them all..
Maybe because he's sick, maybe because he can't handle me.. or maybe coz he just doesnt care.

I was on the phone to my good mate just before and he mentioned him.
I kinda just said I was over it all, which I am.
I then finished the phone call and went to finish my dinner.
I sliced my finger using a sign..
That my friends was I sign..
My finger also wouldn't stop bleeding.
Always fun.. lol

Today was good though, I am pretty sure my actual period.. no not the one thats already been around for 6 days on and off... will be arriving soon.
I am pretty much very overly sensitive at the moment.
And I am starving all the time,but im trying to eat more fruit lately.
So I'm snacking on that.

Other than that, nothing much is going on.
Trying to take each day as it comes, and look towards the future I can create for myself.
Happiness is around the corner, if I just believe it can be.

Wants to get her sleep on

Oh I wish I wish I wish.
But I'm just not near sleep yet.
I had a big day, got up early.. worked well all day.......
I went to the football after work, I talked, I walked, I ate...

I am going to stop sweating some of the stuff thats bothering me.
I don't have the power to change situations, so I'm not going to start wishing that it will magically fall upon me.
I cannot control the way others behave, can't make them tell me the truth..

I wonder if its wrong to love someone, for all the good things they bring into my life.
But possibly to almost hate them, for being the barer of shitty things as well?

I think thats where I am.. A little bit stuck.
But I'm realising more and more..
I've gotta let it go..
I can enjoy the good things... and not focus so much on the negatives.
For some people.. even me at one time.. I thought they we're deal breakers.

But not anymore.

All rules are out the window.
I know exactly where I stand, what my position is... and how I'm gonna move on from here.

Unexpected Happiness

Is always the best kind.
I didn't have the BEST day today.
But I didn't have worst.. with regards to work.
I was happy when home time rolled around... Happier knowing next week for MOST of the time I will have the department all too myelf as all of the guys will be at a trade exhibition.
That will be nice to just work, and have some piece and quite.

I came home from work and immediatly got stuck into "the secret life of bee's"
I'm loving it more as time goes on.
I then, like most friday nights downloaded greys anatomy and watched it.
I had planned to meet up with some friends to go out for dinner.. but when I turned up at 8pm dressed rather casually, and my friends the same we sat around and discussed the books we were reading. We even toyed with the idea of starting a little book club.
Looking back to 10 years ago when we first met, I never would have thought that was possible. I was a complete book worm, but they weren't.
My my how times have changed and how they've both grown..
We talked about funny memories from the past, and our furtures.
My friend is moving in with her boyfriend, who is 24 years her senior.. my other friend is using the economic crisis as a means to travel overseas. She is coming to the states in a few months and was talking all about her trip.
When then went and got some take-out..
Talking and laughing like old times.

On the way over, I found myself dancing and singing in the car.
Feeling happy, real happy.. not fake happy.
I wasn't to happy to be leaving my nice warm bed and venturing out.. but as soon as I knew I was close to seeing those familiar faces.
I was unexpectdly happy.
I loved every damn second of it.

Here I go again.. back into the secret life of bee's

Lack of sleep

and the consumption of alcohol makes me very hung over.
But other than that I actually FEEL GREAT <3
I went out with a group of friends last night to a theatre restaurant.
Basically where you see a show, and eat dinner.
It was fantastic..
You actually ride a ghost train into the theatre.
Its really cool.

SO yeh yesterday 9/10

:)

Winning makes me happy

So I ventured off to football...
ALONE.
People say alone like its such a bad thing, I'm my best friend.
Is there anything wrong with that?
Sure sometimes its nice to have company, but its not always appropriate.
I'm in a depression, the last thing and I mean REALLY the last thing I want to do is drag someone else down with me.
Nope, If im going to sink I refuse to bring anyone aboard to sink with me.
But i'm not going to sink, no no thats what the lexapro is for to help me stay above water.

My team won, which makes me happy.
Yup..

I had chinese food.. that makes me happy and sad because its hell bad for ya.
hmm

I'm downloading the movie Milk.... its almost half way finished.
That makes me happy.

Overall today is about a 7.5/10

Still trying to work out if im going to see my exgood friend tomorrow..
Hmmmm
Thinking thinking thinking

Someone give me back my mojo!

Blah
I have no energy today... I was up past 4am last night and awoke at 11:30 but seriously i'm laying on the couch here with no desire to move until at least 6:30 when I have to go to one of my BFF's graduation dinner tonight at 6:30.

I mean... I just got paid which means im loaded for pretty much the only time in the month... I know i'm getting my bonus next week so I could very well go shopping and buy some new clothes.. or something.. But I just can't move.

I wonder if its the depression setting in, my docotor actually went off at me for not staying on my meds last year for longer.. But I felt SO much better.
Therapy had helped a treat.. and I swear I graduated..
When she told me I was elidgable for another 12 free therapy sessions on my "mental health plan" I was almost releaved.. I thought it was capped.. but no every 12 months I have permission to go insane and get free medication and therapy.
Man I loved that shrink.... She was possibly one of the only people in this world who had ever made me feel normal at all..
Like I WASNT crazy.. I mean I know I'm a little wacky.. but her ability to break it all down and just be there it was amazing.
So maybe I will see her again.

Last nigth I was out with a friend.. she's been in a relationship with a man who is 24 years her senior.. he already has 4 kids and they were speaking about there future.. He asks her on a daily basis to marry him, obviously shes very young (22) and hasn't said yes.. but she was thinking about her future and the fact that they definatly want kids.He said he'd give her as many as she wanted to make her happy.. but the reality of it is that she could probably only ever have one.

She was diagnosed with epilipsy when she was about 11 years old, unfortunately its the kind that even with medication gets worse overtime. Although she doesn't have grand mal seizures.. she does black out alot and have quite a few twinges no matter how regular her medication schedule is.
In reality she would have to come off her medications to get pregnant, which itself could cause seziures, and if she got pregnant on her medication well thats a whole nother story just there.. the drugs she's on can cause severe birth defects and developmental delays.

While we were sitting there and she was telling me just how she felt about the posibiliy of not having a child, only having one child, hurting the child through having a seizure.. I just said it.

"I'd have your baby for you"

Surrogacy is something I've always thought of, I am not againts the possibility of egg donation either.. I just dont know if anyone would want my crappy genes..
But to me her story was heart breaking because I know how much she wants children (she comes from a family of 6 kids) she knows that love and wants to experience it.. without putting her health, or the health of her unborn child at risk.

So I would do it, I'd absouletly do it. Their are many rules to surrogacy that I dont fully understand and obviously now, when im 22 this is not an option. But in 5 years... It just may well be..

Anyway thats all from me, I'm gonna relax for an hour or so and then attempt to shopping(I really hate shopping unless its for someone else and I know exactly what I want to get them)

hmm to watch the L word, or how I met your mother.. Two totally different shows.