Oh snap- Uterus 1.. Caragh 0

So I mentioned a little while ago that I recently went on the pill, coz I was having alot of pain, and some cycle problems.
GP suggests possible Endo, and sends me off for a follow up with a gyno.

I start the pill randomly, to get me back into sync about 6 weeks ago.. then I decided last week.. with all the pain and break through bleeding I had recently had.
I deserved a month off..
Fairs fair right?

BLAH.
Well yesterday I started spotting.. not a whole heap.
Yeh then TMI here.. but those stabbing pains that you get in your vjay-jay..
You know what I'm talking about.. but I have no idea where they come from.
Then enter lower back pain, and now today..
MORE cramps and stabbing.

Seriously, WTF.

I just was trying to get a break.
Also as expected due to the skipping of my period.. which I'm pretty sure if I'd almost.. be on my second one..
Anyway I'm bloated.
LIKE REALLY bloated.
Like 3 kilos in a few days bloated... ha ha ha.
Such is life though huh.

AHHH i'm sorry for the complaining but its giving me the shits.
Literally!
My body is trying to beat the pill.. But you can't uterus.. you just can.

Dear mum

Sometimes I think that I can see you.
When I close my eyes.. I know that i'd give anything just to feel your arms around me.
To remember what your perfume spelt like.
Remember the way you used to say all of our names with such force.
I wish you could give me advice right now.
With everything..
Every little thing I seem to touch turns so much to shit and I just need you here.
But you can't be. Your place is in your heaven.
One day i'll be able to se you again.
I wish you could pull Dad into line.
To let him know that what hes doing is wrong.. but he's gotta make his own mistakes.
I've got to make my own mistakes.
But its hard..
I hate that you cant pull me into line.. tell me to buck up, grow up, move on.
I cant seem to do any of those things.

Your words are all I need right now.
But I have nothing.
I feel so lost with you

Powerful Cycle

So a few days ago? or was it yesterday
I was bitching about me period being late.
Can I take that back?
Seriously, go away.

I realised this morning by about 9am why my pants wouldnt fit this morning.
4 hours later, I was still doubled over in pain at about 12:30 I headed off to grab some lunch because I thought that couldnt hurt I hadn't eaten...
I was wrong.

Crawled back into the office and informed one of the boys (I work in a department made up of only men) that I had a "stomach bug" and to let my boss (who was at lunch) That I had got home.

I raced home, literally speeding..
But stopped to pick up some naprogesic.. and a heat pack because I was still in so much Pain.. I couldnt believe it.

I hate when the only relief you get is sitting on the toilet.
thats the last place you want to be.
So its coming from everywhere.
Then I realise hang on.. I'm going to vomit as well.
Im not a good vomiter.. my stomach is very sensitive.. I heave like you wouldnt believe and I end up with broken capailries in the face.
Sexy.

So finally, im done spewing, pooing, peeing and changing tampons and giving myself drugs.
I get my heat pack and crawl into bed.. its so hot that it burns me.. I dont care.. I cant feel it. I just need relief dammit
RELIEF..


No time for Pj's.
Bra, undies in bed heat pack alternating between lower back and lower stomach.
and then by some miracle of nature.
I fall asleep.
It was a restless sleep.. but when I awake.. about 2 hours later.
Still groggy, with a yucky stomach but no cramps..


After a few hours my brother and his girlfriend got home.;
I rested a bit more, talked to a friend.
I go outside and I say "I've never been this sick because of my period"
And she goes "oh I got mine too"

I get up, and I wack her in the arm.
YOU.
You did this to me.
Your hormones made me late! They dragged out my cycle to get me into SYNC with you.

ARGH.

I had no lived solidly with any other women since july last year.
And I forgot.
I forgot how my body always does this..
We used to be miles apart.. but as the last few months have gone on.. we have slowly and surley come togerther.

ahh
I know its not her fault.
But after a day like today.. I sadly wanted to blaim her.
Oh well..
Unfortunatly I've got alot of this to get used to.