Dear mum

Sometimes I think that I can see you.
When I close my eyes.. I know that i'd give anything just to feel your arms around me.
To remember what your perfume spelt like.
Remember the way you used to say all of our names with such force.
I wish you could give me advice right now.
With everything..
Every little thing I seem to touch turns so much to shit and I just need you here.
But you can't be. Your place is in your heaven.
One day i'll be able to se you again.
I wish you could pull Dad into line.
To let him know that what hes doing is wrong.. but he's gotta make his own mistakes.
I've got to make my own mistakes.
But its hard..
I hate that you cant pull me into line.. tell me to buck up, grow up, move on.
I cant seem to do any of those things.

Your words are all I need right now.
But I have nothing.
I feel so lost with you