Life creeps up on you

When you least expect it.
Whenever someone asks me how old I am..
I automatically go to say "18"
Nope not me..
Haven't been 18 for years now.
I've been in this world for a while now..
22 years.. If you double that I'll be 44.
SADLY I don't think I'll live to 44.

I don't know why....
Right now I've just got this heavily guarded feeling that something is about to go wrong.
I normally get this feeling just before something does go wrong
Someone gets sick, and then usally dies

I am probably just over reacting..
But this sinking feeling isn't moving.

There are so many things I want to do in my life.
None of which hold any great significance....
The only thing I do really want... more so than a partner, or marriage is to have children.
I don't know how I even feel about bringing kids into this world, into my world with my terrible genes.

argh so down right now.

Well off to sleep..
Big day at work tomorrow.. or not.