Drugs are good mmmkay

Okay not ALL drugs are good.
But the one I am on is doing me a treat.
I can't explain how releaved I am that the lexapro has worked.
I am feeling 12093120938891092381 % better than I was just a few short weeks ago.
My negative self talk is down 123847128371827398 % as well.
I am even feeling a hell of a lot better than I was just LAST weekend.

Sometimes I feel like I am weak... Yes this specifically ONLY applies to me.
For taking medication. I could have gone straight back into therapy.
I KNOW that helped last time, but at the moment its just not practical.
I think it would do more harm than good, because I was in such a good place when I left.. and one of the main reasons I was.. was because of a certain person who is now one of the main reasons I'm now depressed again.

Love will do that to you. I hate saying that, I hate knowing that I love him.
Even though its stupid and wrong and it makes me feel pathetic and insecure.
But at the end of the day, I know the look in my eyes when I hear his voice, I know the way he can make me stomach jump and my heart flutter.
I know that given the chance, I will go into an insane rant about how fucked up this all is, and how much I wish he'd just go away and I will talk literally until I run out of breath..
Like I did last night when in the friend with my car.
And I know always given the chance, I will play the voice message that he left me the other night..
And any normal female.. even if she thinks he's a jack ass will go
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW X's a million.
Because he honestly does sound SO sweet and sincere in that message.
Even if he's always not.

I think the only thing that gives me hope about this situation is that I KNOW that it will end eventually. I know that everything I feel for him will fade away.. and he'll still be in my heart but he'll be buried beneath a few of the scars that run through it. In a few months when I actually have to look him in the eyes, in the presence of all the people we work with and pretend like NONE of this ever happened.
I am hoping & praying that I will just get through this..
And that the many lessons that I've learned from this situation will carry me through many more of the heart ache I am yet to go through in my time on this earth.

I have hope, and I have the courage to face everyday.
Right now, that..
Well that and this lexapro are all the I need