Peaceful

"I exist as I am, that is enough, if no other in the world be aware I sit content, and if each and all be aware I sit content." Walt Whitman

I woke today feeling strangely peaceful.
I am still having bad dreams, and not sleeping 100 % through the night.
I dragged myself up outta bed to face the day, it was cold.. I coulda gone without work today. But I did it.
Another small victory.

Although the whole ear and laptop thing bothered me.
It didn't reuin my weekend.
I came to work with a positive attitude, knowing that I will accomplish many small things this week.
Looking towards the bigger picture.

I have my appointment at ths hosptial on thursday re all those girly issues i've been having. I am almost certain that I will be seen briefy and then turned away. "come back when you really have a problem"
I contemplated not going, but I've decided A) I really need a day off and B) how stupid would I be, not to go. Even if they don't diagnose me with a thing.. Atleast I have put my mind at rest.

It was like this time that I had terrible stomach pain, they did the ultrasound & it took FOREVER and I've had a few ultrasounds in my time.
I fully expected to go in there and be told there was something seriously wrong.
Turns out all those urinary tracked infections and kidney infections I had as a kid stunted the growth of one my kidneys. It is approxiamely 6 cm's smaller than the other one. It's something I'll have to watch every now and then and just make sure its functioning. No big deal, but hey atleast I know.

I MAY call HP tonight if I have the energy. I'm under warranty, and I "Dont think" they can claim user abuse on my laptop, but we'll see.
I'm pretty sure i'll need a new motherboard or something.
So i'll loose anything I have on the PC which at the moment, is a few pictures that I can get from other sources and a whole heap of movies and TV.
Maybe my laptop breaking was god's way of telling me. STOP DOWNLOADING MOVIES AND TV SHOWS. Who knows.
I will also unfortunely loose my journals from 2005-2008. When live journals server crashed I managed to get in there and unload the enteries one by one.
3 years of history including the enteries during my mothers illness and death.
GONE. But I have a good memory, and alot of it was DARK writting.
So do I really need to be reminded of how unhappy I was? How depressed? How in love with people who didn't give a shit about me anymore.
Probably not.

But we'll see.

OH my brother drove me NUTS last night.
He was out in the louge on the computer, cackling like a chicken... BASHING the keyboard with his fingers and the TV blareing.
I almost thought about making alot of noise this morning to wake him up.
Another thing that annoys me, is that he always puts the dishwasher on when its NOT FULL, and puts it on the wrong setting so it doesn't clean well. He leaves the milk out, doesn't clean the bench well, coughs up in the shower(I know gross)
Blah, I sound like im complaining about my husband here.
But seriously after living with others for 27 years, you would think he would have a clue.
I pitty the poor person who ends up living with him in the future.
Because family are easier to tolerate and yell at, strangers or friends not so much.


Well this has been a seriously long entry full of nothing.
I'm off to get back to work.

Hope everyone had a GREAT weekend.