Friday, August 7, 2009


I've been thinking about B's comments.

Am I really scared of love?
Do I put a wall up?
Do I feel the need to stop people from loving me?

If I was to be honest. To hurt myself in saying this.
The answer to all of those questions.
Is yes.

Yes I am scared of love.
Why wouldn't I be?

Love has and always will be one of the most painful experiences you can go through.
To love someone gives away a peice of your sanity.

I don't mind living for others. But I hate others living for me.

I'm not gonna sit here and say I've loved and lost so many times.
I haven't.

Each time I've felt love it's been completely different.
Each time its made me question the feelings that came before it.

Is this the real deal?
Will this be it?
Do I want this to be it?

With love comes loss.
Loss is something I've had my fair share of.
Something I'm not willing to take lightly.

Call me sceptical. Or synical. Call me stupid.. I don't care.

Love has always hit me when I least expected it.
Each time I have learnt new lessons.

Love 1- Be true to yourself
Love 2- Sometimes you have to see yourself as others see you
Love 3- Sometimes love just isn't enough
Love 4- True friendship is the essence of companionship
Love 5- Follow your heart

As I look back, I marvel at all of the things I've learnt.
I know that being cold and synical won't help me to learn any new lessons.

I will continue to be overly cautious with my heart.
Because it's become a part of who I am.

That next love.. that's out there.. they'll except that part of me..
They'll except any shitty part of me.

Wont they?


'Murgdan' said...

Yep. They will. It isn't effortless though. I'm a bit of a wall-builder was hard work letting someone else in...

...and sometimes I still wonder if I really have.