Thursday, June 18, 2009

Self Discovery

I started off the week with a post about how much better I was feeling.
Its true, in general I am feeling pretty great.
A lot better than I was just a few months ago.

Today hasn't been a good day.
A few little things have bothered me quite a bit.
It's times like these my friends Psychology degree comes in handy.
He is able to talk me off the ledge a bit, and explain to me why I am feeling the way I am.
That might sound a bit crazy,but that's one thing I'm not great at.
Analysing my feelings.

I really wanted an early night last night.
I haven't been sleeping well, so I stayed on the phone to my friend B for a while to try and exhaust myself.
It worked, I fell asleep within 5 minutes of my head hitting the pillow.
The night mares i'm having are getting worse, they are so bad that in fact they are now waking me up quite alot.
They are bizarre and make no sense.
Last night I had a dream I stole my dads motorbike.
Insane, because although I like riding the bike is HUGE and weighs triple what I do.
I couldn't hold it up even if I tried.
The basic premise of the dream was me stealing the bike, having a great time riding it but then getting it dirty. My brother tells me that I should clean it, so I go out to dads car to get the cleaning stuff.. and the car has been broken into.
And all the wheels have been taken off and its been stripped.

There is no point in me trying to analyse this dream.. It didn't upset me but it confused me a hell of a lot. I know its got some meaning but I've just gotta let it go.
So there I was, up at 1:45am.. I sleepily check my email on my phone to see if "he" has sent anything. Nope nothing. Back asleep until 6:19am.. think about getting up for 2.5 seconds and nope back to sleep. Then its 6:45 my alarm goes off.. I hit the snooze button and fall back asleep til 7:15am.
I am late for work again.

This week feels like the movie ground hog day.
I feel like I will need this weekend to recharge & try and work out.
What I want.
Coz I don't know what I want..
Not about anything in particular..
But just life in general.

I've gotta make some hard decsions, and look deep into myself.
Before its too late.

3 comments:

Bella said...

:( So sorry today has been sucktastic. I'm glad you have such good IRL friends to help get you through and we're always here too! ((HUGS))

heyLyss09 said...

nightmares are probably a medication side effect, right?

i'm not on any medication, yet i still have insane dreams everynight. lately, i've even been caught talking in my sleep and having a full conversation with myself in 2 different voices.

from all the reading i've been doing on this stuff, alot of these kinds of sleep problems can be stress induced.

looking4#3 said...

Be kind to yourself!!! Go easy and tread water gently!! You are the only you out there. You are irreplaceable and priceless. Hold on tight going down and let the wind blow through your hair and reach for the stars on the way up!!!
Thinking of you!!!!