Wednesday, May 20, 2009


“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”

I need to read the words of this quote over and over again.
I need to remember that I am the one who controls my own destiny.
YES there are things that are behond my control.
But how I act, think and feel are things that are still within my control.
I've been consumed, consumed with my sad thoughts, endless sleep-less nights and teary momemnts.
I need not to be.
This is not as easy as it sounds.
Last night I was speaking with my friend, we were talking about my depression, how my medication has been going.. My recent phobia's of social situations and how I spend the majority of life alone these days. (Outside of work)

As his son was getting into the car, he goes "hey i'll put you onto S you can talk with him"
I freaked, I was like shit no I can't talk to someone I don't know.
His son is a darling little 13 year old who sings & dances & acts both professionally and for fun. He's a hugely inspirational little character, very funny and smart. He is there miracle IVF baby, the only live child that they have.

But I freaked out, I've always wanted to say to this young boy that I admire him, I admire how he breaks the mold he doesnt play football.. he does ballet! And he really doesn't give a damn what people think!

I think that its amazing.

But I freaked out, later on I realised how stupid this was..

I need to take control of my life again, I don't exactly have a plan but I know this has to be done.