Sunday, July 26, 2009

Secrets and lies part 1

Growing up my mother was always very cautious about the information she shared about her up bringing. I know that she did not have an easy or pleasant child hood.
When I was about 17 I began to ask more and more questions about my mothers family.

When my grandmother was 17 she fell in love.. great yes?
Nope. She fell in love with a man who she didn't know was married.
Soon enough she was pregnant. 60+ Years ago the technologly wasn't what it is now there was no POAS or beta's to let her know she was expecting.
Being young and nieve she continued living her life, loving this man.
Eventually when she admited to herself she was pregnant this nice loving man turned on her saying that he wanted nothing to do with her. Naturally she was devestated.
When she was almost 8 months along she went into premature labour. Taken to place that specialized in the "unwed" mothers department. Here is where it gets fuzzy, as her labour progressed she was given medication that rendered her almost unable to function.She was able to give birth, to twins.
Immediatly following the birth she was given more medication that rendered her unconcious.

When she awoke and asked for HER children.
She was told that they were both still born and had died.

As my mother sat there and told me this story my jaw dropped to the floor.
"But that's what they would say when they were going to give children up for adoption without the parents consent"

This happened quite often in Australia in the 30's + 40's right up until the 60's.
Women told there babies had died in order to place them for adoption.
Young single mothers who had been taken advantage of.

My grandmother never saw those children.
Haunted by the painful memories of a love that had been so cruel.
She never tried to find out if they were really alive.
I understand that it would have been painful, and confusing to a young women.

Before my mother died we contemplated trying to track down the records of the children's birth. Being that it was almost 70 years ago it would have been understanably hard.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder.
Do I really have more aunty's or uncles out there?
Are they still alive? Did they have a good life?

Sadly I think these questions will always remain unanswered.