Sunday, July 26, 2009

Secrets and lies part 2

Following on from my previous post.

After losing her 2 first children my grandmother began to slowly put the peices of her life back togerther.
Eventually she met a lovely man, who would become her husband.
She had two beautiful children and was living a happy and contented life with a man who loved. They had built a wonderful family.
Her husband then suffered a heart attack and died.
Young still and alone with two young children my grandmother fought to make it on her own.

Working as a cook she met a charming and attractive older gentlemen who had not long returned from the second world war.
They began to have an affair at first it was all roses, but then he began to change.
He became aggressive and violent able to turn on my grandmother at any moment.
Time passed and unable to leave the abusive relationship, my grandmother again fell pregnant.
When she told him of this, he told her if she didn't "fix the problem" that he would "fix it for her"
My grandmother had no choice but to have a backyard abortion. The abortion led to complications due to the way it was done and she bled so much that she almost died.

Still after this experience she was not able to free herself from the clutches of his man. Time passed and regretably she fell pregnant again.
This time she was pregnant with my mother.

My grandmother stood up to him and told him it was over her dead body that she was terminating the pregnancy.He would beat her frequently.

Thankfully my mother was born safe and well.
Around the time of my mothers birth the physical relationship between the two of them ended.
My mother was the child of two unwed alcoholics. Astrasized from both side of her family. My grandmother struggled to put food on the table for her children.
While my grandfathers family who was notably well off refused to support or help more than a few occasional weekend visits.
During this time my grandfather would go over and beat my grandmother.
His family knew this was happening and allowed it.

Probably the biggest family secret of all is that although my aunt has never said anything, we are pretty sure she was abused sexually by my grandfather.
There were often times that he was left alone with her two older children while he worked. He would at times "discpline them" but it is a general concencious in our family that this is a strong possibility. My aunt is a wonderful person but she has major difficulty in showing love or affection. Mostly to her own children.
There was a time in my life when we lived close to our grandfather.. I assume that my mother found out or suspected the abuse. Within 2 weeks we had moved states, as my mum couldn't stand to look out the window as it looked directly down to his house by the water.

So there you have it, just a few of my family secrets