Thursday, April 23, 2009

It's Strange

It's amazing me how much different I'm feeling.
How much better im coping.
How much happier i've been.
But yet, I still feel so much like me.
I wake up every morning and without resistance, I get up and take my pills out of there container. I walk to the kitchen saying good morning to whoever is awake and take them.
Theres no resistance. I remember struggling last time, struggling to remember.. struggling to want to take them and feeling so zoned out.
I guess thats the bit I have to take from this, is that I never hit rock bottom.
I was struggling, don't get me wrong.
Depression and medication for depression is not something I would ever take lightly.
But I think thats the main thing that helped, I reconized within myself that I had a problem.. And that it just NEEDED to be fixed.
Before everything spun out of control.
I guess from that i'm getting i am feeling a lot more self worth.
Which is probably helping also.

I dunno, I spoke to my friend who was ill and I haven't spoken with him in more than 2 weeks. (We speak almost everyday) and he said how much more confident I sound. How much better with-in myself.
I've had the temptations alot of time this week to reach out to that person in a personal context. But I've been able to fight it. Except for that slight drunk email I sent, which he gladly ignored replying to.. But has lifted his game and kept it professional but still friendly.
I just feel like the outcome SO FAR is good, and it can only get better from here.


Kristin said...

Sometimes recognizing you need help is the hardest part of the battle. I know how hard it was for me and, even though I only needed anti-depressants short term, it made all the difference in the world.


The Captain's Wife said...

My DH has been taking meds for depression for several years now. This was his 2nd time around too. The first time he really resisted. I guess he wasn't ready to be balanced.

I say balanced because, as I pointed out to him, the goal is not to be "happy all the time" but to be balanced. To feel pain when you need to, to laugh when you need to.
I hope that you too will find the balance you need~


Andrea said...

You go girl! I'm so proud of you!

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

I agree with much of the battle is admitting that there's a battle in the first place.

Hang in there! :)


Joe said...

I almost forgot which blog was yours and I got upset, glad I found you again and **hugs** sound like your doing great! one foot in front of the other :)

WiseGuy said...

Now that you are aware, I guess your next challenge will be to sustain yourself on the path of recovery.

Good Luck, sweetie!